Horror World Book Reviews
February 2005

Editors Note: We have not one, but two reviews of TWO TWISTED NUTS. Naturally, we left the reviews of this particular chap to the gentlemen! :-D

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Review #1

TWO TWISTED NUTS By Jeff Strand and Nick Cato
Review by Mark Justice

Gentlemen, prepare to cover your privates and wince.

Though brief, TWO TWISTED NUTS by Jeff Strand and Nick Cato is filled with testicular terror, gonadal gore, scrotal suspense and family jewels-induced fear.

In short, TWO TWISTED NUTS is about bad things happening to The Boys.

The fun starts with Strand's "Mr. Sensitive". Jake Triben is a serial womanizer, who loves 'em and leaves 'em until something unusual happens to him. A lump in his scrotum turns out to be a third testicle. Alarming, sure, but Jeff doesn't let it slow him down. Then number four shows up. Soon, Jeff is up to his neck (and beyond) in balls. "Mr. Sensitive" is funny and creepy, a combination that rarely works. Strand carries it off, while also supplying a cautionary tale about the dangers of toying with the emotions of others.

Cato's entry in this horror 'nad-fest is "Ball Breaker". Something horrible is happening to the men of Manhattan, something that causes their scrotums to swell up and explode. Gary, a magazine writer, appears to be immune, for reasons that eventually lead back to his school days. Gary ultimately learns the cause of the Exploding Sac Plague, and, as in Strand's story, the reason is indirectly his own fault.

TWO TWISTED NUTS is not to be taken very seriously. It is what it is: loud and gross. I'm not sure what women would think of the stories. Would they laugh at the misfortune of the stupid males? Or shudder in revulsion at the awful things that happen?

I don't know. I can only be sure that I will be sitting here for a while with my legs crossed very tightly.

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Review #2

TWO TWISTED NUTS by Jeff Strand and Nick Cato.
Reviewed by: Steve Vernon

It takes a lot of balls to launch a publishing company like Novello Publishers, and even more to begin its launch with a chapbook like Nick Cato's and Jeff Strand's TWO TWISTED NUTS. The chapbook is a terrifying tag team testament to tenderized testicles. Men everywhere will rise up, (with one hand protectively cupped about their ne'er-do-well-zones and testify to the groinal gooseflesh this chapbook conjures up.

The first tale, "Mr. Sensitive", is a seminal story of a cad's crash course in sudden scrotal sensitivity training. It'll have you giggling and wincing and grabbing at your crotch in sheer twisted glees. The author of this sackful of terror is Jeff Strand - the creator of the Andrew Mayhem series (GRAVEROBBERS WANTED - NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY, SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, and CASKET FOR SALE - ONLY USED ONCE), as well as his infamous ode to the giant ant, MANDIBLES (which ought to be made into a movie that should play at a thousand unsung tick infested drive-in theaters).

Alas, the second tale, "Ball Breaker", by Nick Cato is the weaker of the two. There's just too darned much potential in this sprawling little story. It screams for a novella. I found myself wishing Nick hadn't held himself back so much and just let it all hang out.

Nick is the publisher/editor head of Novello Publishers, and the driving force behind the fun and lively "Horror Fiction Review". This is his publishing company's first effort, and I hope to see a lot more from Novello. I don't want to sound too critical of Nick's story though. I must say I'd give my left nut to have scripted a line like "Just as the testicles of the leader of the free world exploded across the floor of the UN...". Juicy, and intriguing.

So forget your scruples and pick up a copy of TWO TWISTED NUTS. Have a beer or two to numb the pain, keep a bag of frozen peas close at hand, and wear a kevlar jockstrap, if it makes you feel any better.

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The previous short story collection by Stuart Young, 'Spare parts' had left me with mixed feelings about this young British author. On one hand, he was exhibiting an undisputed talent, enabling him to produce some remarkable stories; on the other hand, some of his tales seemed to lack plausibility, especially when dealing with the supernatural element. Young appeared to be a very promising writer, endowed with a chameleon-like artistic nature, perhaps still looking for a precise identity.

This second collection, ' The mask behind the face', a small, nice booklet published by Pendragon Press with a beautiful cover design, reveals a more mature author, but still displaying lights and shades.
The title novelette, for instance, is a type of fiction that I find hard to classify and even harder to judge properly. It relates the story of a man affected by Pick disease (if you never heard of it go check in your medical encyclopedia) which is progressively impairing his memory and altering his character, his sense of social conventions and, in short, his relationship with his family, his friends and the world in general. That peculiar state of mind and a number of favourable circumstances will lead this individual to see God and His true nature. All in all the entire novelette is well written and the details concerning the man's everyday life, his uneasy behavior with his wife and his daughter are described in a firm, captivating narrative style. In other words, when Young sticks to mainstream fiction he's awfully good. By contrast, when he has to face the supernatural aspects of the story, that is the cosmic vision of God and His creation, he becomes much less convincing, and even his narrative style gets less pristine.

To Young's credit I should add that, in my opinion, this is a problem experienced even by famous, worshipped big names of horror fiction such as Stephen King and Clive Barker, great authors when depicting the horrors of human nature and daily life, sometimes much less plausible in those portions of their novels where the struggle between Good and Evil and cosmic themes in general make their appearance.

To further support my viewpoint, the remaining three short stories show a similar trend. Young is excellent in 'Daddy's little girl' a very short story - two and half printed pages- as chilling as a tale can be ,describing with great skill the horror of a child's innocence on the verge of getting tarnished and in 'Death of innocence', where the memories of a savage attack by a gang return to haunt the mind of a man, whose life has become a chain of frights.

'Mr Nice Guy' is about a boy who unintentionally puts a curse on his girlfriends. The idea is original but the story runs out of steam after a few pages.

Overall Young confirms his talent as a fine mainstream writer who likes to toy, not always successfully, with supernatural themes.

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LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY by Steve Vernon
Reviewed by Ron Dickie

Back-from-the-dead mountain men, green ghost rock spirits, carrion stallions, time-traveling mad scientists and zombified buffalo. What more could you ask for in a novella? How about damn good writing to go along with it?

Steve Vernon's LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY is an over-the-top roller coaster ride of fun and frolic. You can almost feel the author's mischievous grin behind you as you read this work.

The plot gallops along at a breakneck speed, barely allowing you time to get your bearings, but it's worth it. Vernon packs a lot into these 30,000 words, and you'll appreciate each and every one of them. Steve Vernon has a natural storyteller's voice, which makes you feel like you're sitting across a campfire from him as he spins this yarn, going further and further, pushing your boundaries to see how much you can take. And then he gives you a little more.

A weird western will not doubt bring to mind genre-great Joe Lansdale, but make no mistake, Steve Vernon has a unique voice, all his own. And it's a good 'un. If you're a fan of out-of-the-ordinary cross genre stories, then saddle up, strap on yer shootin' irons and fill your fists with this fantastic book. Don't make me come gunnin' for ya!

Previous reveiws will appear in the Archives in the coming weeks

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