Do you have an ereader?

No actual ereader, though I do have the Kindle app on my computer.

Hey Thad! How do you want me to send you these items you requested: a funnel (one gallon capacity), a pigeon feather, two buttons (the black one is 2 hole, the brown one is 4 hole), an empty c.d. sleeve, a bottle cap, 6 foot long lance, a used cocktail napkin, tire valve, a bar of Ivory soap, a shoelace for a left shoe, and the fat trimmed from a ham? I couldn't find a graboid.

Go ahead and send them by Pony Express. That's certainly faster than the post office right now.