Ask Grim Rictus the Advice Demon!

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Tue Sep 05, 2006 9:13 am

Let the little monkeys run around chasing their little oddly-shaped ball. And let all the other monkeys watch in fascination.

Meanwhile, we have smarter monkeys downloading demonic texts off the Internet FOR FREE!!! Not even a small piece of their souls has been taken in payment for this rare and unholy information!

If you hear of someone downloading free unholy texts, you let me know, Robert, and I'll deal with it, Grim Rictus style!!!

Or, you could take it upon yourself to stab them repeatedly with a dagger.

Cyberbob · **Posted:** Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:18 am

While you're dealing with them, is there any chance you can deal with a few politicians? Their religious mania is starting to make it difficult for people like me to enjoy my unholy texts (which I paid for in full, by the way, in case you were wondering).

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:12 pm

Cyberbob · **Posted:** Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:41 pm

That's why I vote Libertarian. The Democrats have their heads up their asses, and the Republicans are a bunch of quasi-holy whack jobs.

The Libertarians know the value of freedom to read all the unholy texts we could ever desire. Might make it a bit harder to string up the Christians by their own intestines...but I think it's a fair trade.

ristow · **Posted:** Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:05 am

Hey Rictus,

What would you do if David T. Wilbanks was kidnapped, strapped to an operating table, and forced to listen to a naked Bill O'Reilly reading Danielle Steele novels?

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:09 am

Uncanny! Have you been peeking at my plans for him?!

David T. Wilbanks · **Posted:** Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:20 am

I can SEE this!

ristow · **Posted:** Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:21 am

No! It's actually tactic number 23 in the Cthuhlu National Popular Front's (CNPF) feild manual. It's right there under the mandatory forearm tattoos of Jerry Falwell in tight pleather lederhosen.

HorrorWorld · **Joined:** Wed Dec 31, 1969 8:00 pm **Posts:** 1024

Matt Cowan · **Posted:** Sat Dec 23, 2006 3:15 pm

What does someone like Grim Rictus want for Christmas? Perhaps a Princess Barbie doll or a plushy smurf? :lol

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Dec 23, 2006 3:46 pm

I know where you live, Cowan!

Indianapolis. It says it right there on your post.

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

He has mentioned that he hopes Santa brings him the Panties-Free Britney Spears action figure.

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:43 pm

Oh, Mark Justice! You shouldn't have!

For that, I will delay sucking the soul from your flabby body for another year.

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Okay, but can you suck some of the fat from my flabby body, like, now?

Matt Cowan · **Posted:** Sun Dec 24, 2006 12:14 am

Perhaps I should withdraw the question.

ristow · **Posted:** Tue Dec 26, 2006 3:07 pm

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Tue Dec 26, 2006 5:52 pm

ristow · **Posted:** Wed Dec 27, 2006 11:48 am

Will my honorable friend then please tell me, is it true? Has Satan personally cursed Mr. Manilow's rear-end to drive all women and confused men to new levels of insanity? I'm told looking at it is like looking into the face of Cthulhu.

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:01 pm

His booty? I've never noticed it, myself. Um...nope. Not me. Uh-uh. Rictus doesn't roll like that.

Matt Cowan · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 2:02 pm

Why is your avatar a monkey?

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 3:31 pm

Matt Cowan · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:46 pm

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:24 pm

ristow · **Posted:** Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:28 pm

It's not the face of the avatar you should worry about. It's the demonic red eyes.

ristow · **Posted:** Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:28 am

Mr. Rictus,

What is it like to eat in hell's cafetaria? Is it true that I can taste, as a gourmet hound, braised Cthulhu tentacle in booger-cilantro reduction with a generous splash of lime, butter, and butt-sauce?

ristow · **Posted:** Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:32 am

I also heard that the salads down there were garnished with chest hair of damned Kareoke singers and American Idol Rejects.

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Jan 06, 2007 10:34 am

I eat souls and shit hellfire.

Oh, and I like a good marshmallow/Rice Krispies bar.

Chadzilla · **Posted:** Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:26 am

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:01 am

ristow · **Posted:** Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:49 pm

Mr. Rictus,

Why is the British Parliament, and Prime Minister's Questions, more entertaining to watch then Congressial proceedings.

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