Ask Grim Rictus the Advice Demon!

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:47 pm

Well, what are you waiting for, you sniveling butt nugget?

:hi

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Ladies and Gentlemen, the sexiest demon on the internet needs your questions!

David T. Wilbanks · **Posted:** Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:09 am

Go, Grimmy!

I see he's already picked out an avatar.

Matthew Warner · **Posted:** Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:13 am

Grimmy, my cat is attracted by the sounds of defecation. What should I do?

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Apr 22, 2006 12:46 pm

I too am attracted by this pleasant, explosive sound, Matthew Warner. Do we have a problem here? When I hear someone defecating, I'm the first one on the scene, sucking it all in and checking out the size of the load. If the bathroom door is locked I merely sniff along the crack beneath the door until the culprit allows me in to sample their goods. They have to come out of there sometime, don't they?

I imagine Mark Justice's poop-sounds are quite something to be heard, and the smell? Glorious!!!

So, your cat is to be encouraged.

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

David T. Wilbanks · **Posted:** Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:44 pm

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Hey, hey! Don't knock it till you smell it.

David T. Wilbanks · **Posted:** Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:03 pm

Hey, we're already talking about poop. That didn't take long.

Chadzilla · **Posted:** Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:29 pm

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:47 pm

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Chadzilla · **Posted:** Fri Apr 28, 2006 11:19 pm

Grim Rictus:

It is becoming more and more obvious to me that the kid's movie Monster House owes a tremendous debt to the apparently unacknowledged Joe R. Lansdale. What can kind of punishment can these mojo thieves expect from you and the other minions?

Mad-as-Hell Mojo Fan

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:14 pm

Ah! Where to begin, my friend, where to begin...

Barrel Pillory
Bell Collar
Branks
Brazier
Breast Ripper
Cat's Paw
Chain Whip
Chastity Belt
Curaisse
Drunkard's Cloak
Ducking Stool
Ear Chopper
Foot Press
Garrotte
Gibbet
Guillotine
Hanging Cage
Head Crusher
Heretic's Fork
Interrogation Chair
Iron Collar
Iron Gag
Iron Maiden
Iron Spider
Judas Cradle
Knee Splitter
Ladder Rack
Lead Sprinkler
Mute's Bridle
Mutilation Shears
Noise-Maker's Fife
Pear of Anguish
Pendulum
Rack
Revolving Drum
Scavenger's Daughter
Shrew's Fiddle
Skeffington's Gyves
Skull Splitter
Spanish Boot
Spanish Chair
Spanish Crusher
Spanish Donkey
Spanish Gaiter
Spanish Mantle
Spanish Spider
Spanish Tickler
Spiked Punishment Collar
Spiked Torture Helmet
Stork
Straight Belt
Thief Catcher
Thumbikins
Thumbscrew
Tongue Tearer
Wheel
Witch Catcher
Witch's Spider

We'll start with the "a's" and see how far we get. I like a good torture session as much as the next guy.

Nanci · **Joined:** Sun Oct 31, 2004 11:48 am **Posts:** 4992

Grim Rictus is just plain evil

Chadzilla · **Posted:** Sat Apr 29, 2006 9:25 pm

JeffStrand · **Posted:** Sat May 06, 2006 3:44 pm

Dear Grim Rictus,

I've noticed that you and David Wilbanks are never on the show at the same time. This seems very suspicious to me. I did some research and discovered that though you and Mr. Wilbanks appear at many of the same charity functions, nobody has ever seen the two of you together. Also, if you listen closely, your voice sort of sounds like Mr. Wilbanks doing a phony demon accent.

I've figured it all out. You and Dave despise each other and can't stand to be in the same place, and you're making fun of his voice. So how did this feud begin, and is there any chance of resolving your differences?

--Jeff Strand

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Sat May 06, 2006 4:04 pm

That's an interesting theory you've developed, Mr. Ho-ho-look-at-me-I'm-a-funny-guy Strand.

But...

I've noticed on the few occasions when I've actually listened to that vile Pod of Horror show, that David T. Wilbanks isn't present during ANY of the interview segments, nor the Horror World updates.

So, MY theory is that he's a master of impressions and is capable of mimicking all sorts of people such as Nanci Kalanta and even YOU, Mr. Strand. MY theory is that you were NEVER interviewed on Pod of Horror and that it was actually Mr. Wilbanks having a bit of fun with that disgusting bag of wind Mark Justice.

As for myself, yes, I DO sound a bit like him because I'm mocking the little twit. How come he's never around when I'm on the show???

HE'S SCARED!!!

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Interesting theory, Mr. Strand.

Come to think of it, Grimmy has never been seen with Rachael Ray.

Then again, *I'VE* never been seen with Rachael Ray, as much as I've tried to make that happen. Perhaps demonic forces have come between us.

Any thoughts, Grimmy?

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Mon May 08, 2006 10:41 am

Mark Justice,

She wants a 30-minute meal, not a three-minute snack.

:lol

Nanci · **Joined:** Sun Oct 31, 2004 11:48 am **Posts:** 4992

Listen you slimy piece of hell rot - you better start being respectful or I'll toss your sorry arse out of here!

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Mon May 08, 2006 12:58 pm

Ooooo. You're making me hard.

Doug Warrick · **Posted:** Mon Jun 12, 2006 12:21 am

Herr Rictus,

Despite any aformentioned similarities between your own voice and David Wilbanks's, I've noted that Clive Barker's husky cigarette-raw voice is eerily similar to yourown. How do you account for this? Do all demons smoke cigarettes? Are all demons Brittish? Are all demons gay? All of the above?

Cheers,
Doug

Mark Justice · **Joined:** Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:28 am **Posts:** 1683

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:12 am

HorrorWorld · **Joined:** Wed Dec 31, 1969 8:00 pm **Posts:** 1024

David T. Wilbanks · **Posted:** Fri Jun 16, 2006 9:27 am

Chadzilla · **Posted:** Mon Sep 04, 2006 12:48 pm

: Grim Rictus:

Demonologist Ed Warren, who made a career out of battling your kind, passed away last week at the age of 79. How are you and the Demons handling this turn of events?

Grim Rictus · **Posted:** Mon Sep 04, 2006 11:04 pm

Cyberbob · **Posted:** Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:32 am

Grimmy:

I've noticed that people are starting to pay more attention to that horrible, only semi-violent game of football, instead of spending their time in the proper way: reading demonic texts and true crime books (the ones with full photographic documentation, of course). What can we do to make sure people start paying attention to the important, bloody things in life (or death, as the case may be)?

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